“Dead at 47″

The Philippine Star, Monday, August 6,2007
by: Cito Beltran

The news about death when heard from a child is so
crippling. Perhaps it’s
their innocence, the sound of helplessness or maybe
because as adults we
want to shield children from ever realizing how
painful death can be
for those left behind.

Death often reminded me of “our” future appointment
during my godless days.
I would realize his unwelcome impatience after
surviving a handful of
“accidents” or unappreciated display of anger and
violence from cretins.

But last week as I went to pick up my daughter she
blurted out that her
schoolmate had to go home very early because her
father died that morning.

He was dead at age 47. Some think he was younger. It
was his second heart
attack in about two months but this time it was
massive and it was fatal.

My first reaction was to think of the poor little
girl, her pain, her loss.

The principal who was much younger than me had the
painful task of
explaining death to a grade 3 student. Half the time
they were all just
crying. In the company of a child that has just lost
a parent no one can be
exempted from tears.

For me, this “untimely” death was an unnecessary
reminder of the
consequences of being a parent much later in life.
You want to be there for
all her important life events; her first word, her
first tooth, first crush,
graduations, her debut, her marriage and if God
would be so kind maybe her
first birthing.

But having a six-year old at 51 is like stretching
everything so thin and to
the limit. You never know when things will snap. You
just hope you manage to
hold on.

My friend who is 66 probably has it worse. He has a
7-year old daughter and
several companies to run. I try to tell him to spend
more time with his
family because the titles and the dollars will give
cold comfort to a young
woman who grows up without a father. No mall can
sell her memories.

No business will ever give him back time as
dividends for the life time he
gave away to his companies.

They send flowers, Mass cards, and the Mandatory
death benefits and profit
shares. They never pay extra for time taken from
family, and you never get
compensated for work related damage such as strokes
and heart attacks.

You have medical benefits so that the company does
not have to pay a huge
sum for the illness they gave you. Companies are not
kind just smart.

But this is not all about death. It’s really about
how the next
generation seem to be killing themselves in spite of
the fact that they’re
suppose to be a lot smarter, a lot more health
conscious and better
informed.

My friend Willie and I come from the “Fat is great”
upbringing. Early in our
lives we were taught that a great meal was measured
in volume and quantity.
Good food was one that made you younger because it
would kill you from fat
content.

What we lacked in wisdom we made up for by regularly
refueling our brains
with edible and combustible alcohol. Our sense of
risk and adventure were
marked by a generational talent of knowledge and
acquisition of
pharmacological wonders. But now we know better, we
only do the fat when the
wife is not looking! The other bad habits God took
care of!

So how come we’ve managed to outlive some of the
“smarter generation”? Why
are the 47ners and below kicking the bucket in spite
of better diet, more
exercise and the absence of alcohol and drug abuse.

For a generation that is so familiar with the word
“Chill” it is disturbing
to discover that these guys don’t pay much value to
the concept of R&R
otherwise known as Rest and Relaxation. No, it’s not
Rest & Recreation nor
is it Rest and Procreation. The word is Relaxation.

The 47ners have been made to believe that “Time is
money” and
“Communication is opportunity while lack of
communication is Risk.” They so
embrace the idea of being on-line 24/7 in spite of
the fact that most of
them are never even on time. They are OCs
(Obsessive/Compulsi ve) operating
on CPA (Constant Partial Attention).

There is an apparent confusion of definitions. The
47ners mistake Intensity
for Passion, Provision for Parenting, Recreation for
Relaxation, Drive for
Commitment, Tenure for Loyalty.

My cousin who is fast approaching this generation
has held more jobs at
senior management level than the number of countries
I have visited. In his
mind he actually thinks that makes him super smart,
exceptionally skilled
and highly desirable for head hunters. I simply call
him a candle lit on
both ends and doing a good job of burning out.

His generation does not seem to comprehend the
notion of a decade in the
same company. It’s usually the 4 or 7 year itch that
leads them to seek “New
Challenges” rather than “making an impact” or
“creating a legacy”.

They are achievers, constantly exposed to the stress
on new
environments and new challenges. They live by the
highest and often most
expensive expectations and declarations of society.
Because of this, they
have mortgages, car loans, educational plans that
demand compensation
packages you would have to be willing to kill for or
die for.

Society places such a pressure for women to be
married and to have children
but in the competing market place, those who manage
to have both, end up
having a partner more than a spouse. Their parents
or their househelps
become witness to their children’s firsts: first
word, first walk, and first
tooth while the real parents become their children’s
second option.

Rather than die trying to be successful, we ought to
think about what Ralph
Waldo Emerson wrote on success:

“How do you measure success”

“To laugh often and much;
To win the respect of intelligent people and the
affection of children;
To earn the appreciation of honest critics and
endure the betrayal of false
friends;
to appreciate beauty;
To find the best in others;
To leave the world a bit better whether by a healthy
child, a redeemed social condition, or a job well
done;
To know even one life has breathed because you lived
- this is to succeed.”

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